Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the- (He is interrupted by someone knocking on his door) I swear to Christ… (He walks over to his door and opens it. Only to reveal a black stick figure with a sword. He screams in fright and falls over backwards) G-man: What the hell are you?! ???: What? Haven’t you seen a stick figure before? (Pinkie Pie runs into frame) Pinkie: What all that screaming? (She notices the stick figure) Oh! Pivot! G-man: Pivot? Pinkie (Whispering to the G-man): Look, he’s a friend, he’s really dumb, and he’s just looking for someplace to stay. G-man (Whispering): Okay, but why does he sound like that text-to-speech guy? Y’know, Microsoft Sam? Pinkie (Whispering): Speech disorder. G-man (Whispering): Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! Pinkie (Whispering): Yeah, it’s best to just let him be himself. G-man (Whispering): Gotcha. (After he gets up, he talks out loud to Pivot) Hi, Pivot! I’m the G-man! Pivot: Nice to meet you! G-man: Well, I should get back to my review… Pivot: Review? What review? (Cut to the title screen for…) Baldi: Welcome to Baldi’s Basics in Education and Learning! That’s me! (Cut back to the trio. Pivot screams and pulls out his sword) Pivot: Oh god, kill it with fire! G-man: What is that?! Pivot: My Stick Sword. It’s been passed down from my family for many generations, but I just use it as a toothpick. G-man: Riiight… (He walks back to his desk) Well, if you hadn’t guessed it already, I’m reviewing a pretty popular game that’s been floating around lately: Baldi’s Basics. (The main theme starts as clips of the game begin to play) G-man (V.O): This is a parody of low-budget edutainment games, and is obviously made as a joke. But that didn’t stop it from getting a spot on my show! This game has horrible graphics, terrible controls, horrendous gameplay, and would you believe that this is a horror game? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: This game is wildly popular, and it’s ready to download. It even has a sequel in development. But does it really deserve all the attention? (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) No. (The sound of an audience gasping is heard) No, it doesn’t. I don’t know why this horrible game is so popular, but it is! Many YouTubers like Markiplier and Bijuu Mike played this, so maybe that’s why. And now I’m playing it. Why? (He shrugs) Who knows? But we’re playing this nonetheless. Let’s jump right in! (Cut to the title screen) G-man (V.O): Well, judging by the title screen, we already know this is gonna suck! Let’s take a look at how to play. (He clears his throat and begins reading the plot in an epic movie trailer voice) Oh noes! School is out, but your friend has a problem! He left all his notebooks in school, but doesn’t have time to get them, because if he does he’ll be late for eating practice. To help him out, you have to go back in the school and find all 7 of his notebooks for him. It won’t be easy though! Baldi loves challenging his students with fun trivia problems whenever he can! Each time you find a notebook, you'll have to answer some questions. Answer all three correctly, and you will earn a prize! Find all 7 notebooks, and then exit the school to win! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man (In normal voice): Jesus Christ, I don’t know if I have the mental stability to get through this… (Pivot suddenly pops his head in from the left side of the G-man. Startling him in the process) Pivot: Yo! What about me? G-man: I guess you’re good enough… (Cut back to the game) Baldi: Oh, hi! Welcome to my schoolhouse! G-man (V.O): Uh… Good to know. Well, let see what we’ve got… (He starts exploring the hallways) Wait a minute, ALL of these doors are labelled 99? That makes this inconsistent! Who thought of this? (Cut to a sketch with the G-man as a drunk construction worker) G-man: Hey, you know what would be a good idea? If we labelled literally every door 99! (He laughs a bit) Wouldn’t that be hilarious? (Cut back to the game. The G-man picks up a notebook, and then it cuts to the math screen) Baldi: Now it’s time for everybody’s favorite subject; math! Pivot (V.O): Fuck, I’m bad at math… I should’ve paid attention to Jeopardy. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Don’t worry, I’ll help you. (He pulls out a clipboard) Alright, what two plus two? Pivot: Twenty-two. G-man (Under his breath): Oh, for fucks sake… (Cut back to the game. The third math question is just a jumbled-up mess of digits) G-man (V.O): What the hell…? What is this?! Uh… four. (He types in a singular four into the answer box and hits enter. Baldi’s happy expression slowly turns angry. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Oooh shit… (Cut back to the game. Baldi is chasing the main character through the hallways. Eventually, he gets caught by him and a jumpscare happens. Cut back to the duo screaming with the G-man falling out of his chair) Pivot: You alright? G-man: Bishop, answer him. (Cut to a clip from Bishop Bullwinkle’s Hell to the Naw music video) BB: Hell to the naw! To the naw naw naw! (Cut back to the game) Pivot (V.O): Let’s talk about the other characters. Besides Baldi, there’s the Bully who steals your items, and then there’s Principal of the Thing who’ll send you to detention for reasons such as: (Cut to a short compilation of the Principal’s lines) Principal: No running in the halls. (Cut) No drinking drinks in the halls. (Cut) No bullying in the halls. G-man (V.O): Oh, and Playtime? Yeah, screw her! Every time you run into her, you have to jump rope five times. And if you miss even one jump, you have to do it all over again. Thankfully, scissors were added in a recent update that let you cut her jump rope, but if the Principal is around, he will put you in detention for bullying. (Cut to later in the game) Okay, now we have all seven notebooks… Baldi: Congratulations! You’ve found all seven notebooks! Now all you need to is… (Yelling) GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Jesus Christ, that was loud! It was like Caillou multiplied by a hundred! Pivot: Who’s Caillou? G-man: You really don’t want to know… (Cut back to the game. The main character runs towards the exit, but it suddenly turns into a brick wall) G-man (V.O): What the fuck? Why did it just change like that? (Cut to another exit) Okay, what about this? (The same thing happens) Hashtag bullshit! What the hell, Baldi?! (He gets caught) TAP-DANCING CRAP! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: This game is almost unbeatable! And as a horror game, it’s not that scary! But you know what the biggest shocker is? It got second place in a game-making contest. Also, it’s basically like Slender, but in a school. And that’s been done before! Thankfully, the creators made a Kickstarter to make a better version, and it’s already funded. So, maybe that will be better. But for now, this game gets a "No" from me. (To Pivot) But what’s your take on it, Pivot? Pivot: My god, this was terrible! It’s more than I can bear! (He runs out of the G-man’s room) G-man: Hey! Get back here! (He runs after Pivot. Cut to outside the G-man’s house where Pivot is spinning around like a moron) Pivot: My Roflcopter goes soi, soi, soi, soi! G-man: Uh… (Pinkie pops her head in from the left side of the screen) Pinkie: Like I said: Just let him be himself. G-man: Gotcha. Well, I am the G-man, that’s Pivot, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode